You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
