just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
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You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
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We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
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