Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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