69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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