You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
