if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
