I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
