Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My breath smells like gin and sadness
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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