and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
