grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
