D3 body, D1 cock
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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