I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
