from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
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That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
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I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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