now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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