Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
