Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
