so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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