My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
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