I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
