I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
