There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
