a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
