New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
