She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
