i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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