So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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