So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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