We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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