ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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