Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
