My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
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