I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
