ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
My underwear smells like fireworks.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
