dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
