Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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