toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
