I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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