I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
