i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
