so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
