At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
