Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
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