just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
