don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
