i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
