Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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