Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
