Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
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