Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
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