he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize