Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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