Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
NoShamevember. You game?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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