the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
