Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
