You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Fuck appropriateness.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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