Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
