I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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