Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Just puked most of my soul out..
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