My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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