I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
