Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
